Amanda’s blog

'Lo all.

Summer. Almost over. YAY!

Yeah, I want to go back to school.

Yes, I'm a nerd, and very secure in that fact.

Erm...

I'm getting an MRI today. Just another of the Docs' checks to make sure I'm not actually dying or anything. Cause that could mean malpractice for them and would be messy.

And... I'm relatively sure I'm a vampire now. I've developed a taste for rarer meat than usual, and I no longer sleep. And my canine teeth are getting progressively more fang-y.

That's about it.

Yeah.

Sorry for the lacking of updates.

I've been neglecting writing anything that isn't one of the now three and a half books I've gotten myself into.

And I've still got that religious pamphlet to write and a cult to found.

Oh, and still get a Dr. tacked on to the front of my name along the way.

I'm busy.

Good news, though... I may have a boy, of longer term sort of thing than the past two, very shortly.

Tomorow (or later today), is my second (and a halfish... depending if you count us ending up making out at a frat party a date or not) with a guy my parents have affectionately nicknamed "Gnat". yes, like the annoying little bug. Even though they've never met him.

He should feel honored, though, it generally takes awhile for my dad to nickname people, though guys seem to be easier for him. That's how he distinguishes between guys of the same name that I know. Though the first bf I had never got far enough to even earn a nickname, so... I guess its an accomplishment.

Anyhow... that's about it on this end of thing. Midterm grades are blah, but I've got a renewed enthusiasm for school so I hope to remedy that situation.

I can't wait to see everyone up at school again.

So...

Apparantly the best way for me to get a guy is to go to a frat party where one or both parties are drunk.

Enough said.

Meanwhile, I have devoted countless hours and 97,000 words to a single storyline.

And the first sixth of it is nearing finish of first draft.

It makes me happy.

It is midterm. I am stressed.

But life is good.

Something is not right. Not right at all.

People, I know you're not talking to me like you usually do. Please, start. I feel it anyways, so do me the favor of telling me what's behind it.

What it? I feel it. The pain, or... well, no that's not the right word. The overwhelming sensation of being overwhelmed. I feel it drowning everyone around me. I feel them dying a little more inside every day. None of them say a damn thing about it.

Please, if you're reading this and you need help, LET ME KNOW.

I'm the type of person I feel most complete when I'm helping someone else out. I hope everyone can tell by now... I don't judge. It takes a lot to set me off... and I always try to give constructive advice. Always. Sometimes its crap, but usally it isn't. I like to make you think. I'll be honest. Its what I do.

Whatever is wrong, I understand if you don't want to talk about it (and this is an all-encompasing "you". Honestly, its no one imparticular. Its everyone at once.) but don't act like you're alone. I'm here. I'm always here.

Friends and family (and friends often become my family) ALWAYS come first for me. I will drop whatever I'm working on to help you out. Go on, try me. Really. I have yet to fail miserably at this lot in life I've got. I've got this terrible drive to make everyone around me as sane, comfortable, and feeling cared for as possible. Its a curse of thought I have been given.

So let me do my work, please? I am here for you whenever. If you don't know my cellphone, ask for it! I'm a phonecall away, always.

On a cheerier note... my head is hurting from over-creativity. In addition to my first series of books... yes, a fucking series... I've got another idea. This one is shaping out to be only one book... and in a nutshell it is a loose update on greek mythology. Should be fun to write.

If only I had time to write. Dammit.

*Amanda

Things are gonna change now, for the better.

Ever hear of Anberlin? Check them out. I like the music a lot.

Anyhow... I've come yet again to the acceptance that life just is going to take me wherever the hell it wants, and I shouldn't fight it. Its easier that way.

My roomate pissed me off yesterday, so much so that I had to kill something. So, I killed of a literary character a bit early. I skipped a few chapters to do it, but whatever.

I recommend writing highly. It saves a ton on therapy. And who knows? Maybe one day I'll make money off my nonsense.

Oooh, I wrote another poem lately. But not one you'll get to read. Well, not yet. Maybe later.

I need a nickname.

Really.

I'm not a boring person, so why is it I haven't picked up a nickname by now? Or a boyfriend?

Maybe I'm more boring than I thought.

Now taking applications for nicknames. And guys.

Green post-its are staring back at me, the scrawling on them daring me to just give up. I will not be controlled by post-its.

Its been a long and stressful week. My mom was in an accident and is sore but fortunately well. I cannot say the same for my car.

My Phi Delt sisters are having just as crappy of a week.

I need a party. Maybe one involving a burning of the green post-its that tell me I've got too much going on and challenge me to give up. I will not be intimidated by sticky squares of neon paper.

ABurnPostit

2 comments

Like the light was all I had, I struck the book with my last match. Watched it burn so soft and slow, I felt its warmth and felt its glow.

Sadly, though, I can't go out through the curtain, because I don't have any here.

Its still cold. I'm still writing.

My roomate is annoying me.

I'm worried about all my friends. I'm sensing so many of them have things going wrong, and none of them will say. Which sucks cause I feel that they feel depressed, or sad, or angry, or hurt... and I don't get to know why.

Damn me for being sensitive.

However, I will give it credit for this. I'm at a sucky stretch in the life of the character I'm writing, and so the damp mood and emotion helps me get in the mood to write her. And all the new people-watching in classes have inspired new characters. Or, perhaps, characters have inspired the people I meet. My writing frightens me sometimes... but that's half the reason it's so fun.

So, back to writing.

I do have to edit some things and send them in for a lit mag my friend edits. I'm probably doing that tonight. Or tomorrow. One of the two. Hopefully one of my submissions gets approved. Building up a publishing resume is considered a plus.

Save your strength for the morning after.

Sorry for the lacking in posting for awhile. I know, y'all have been lost again.

Nothing too terribly exciting going on. Starting classes. Classes suck this semester... but I am entertained in them with distractions. By distractions, I mean friends... and cute guys. Mmm. I love new semesters. They're full of potential. Potential to fail, of course, but potential to not.

It is really freaking cold outside.

I'm inside, still cold, listening to music and attempting to write. However, lack of human interaction due to long weekends and it being too freaking cold to go see anyone, has stalled my creativity. Dammit. Someone write or call or visit, I need inspiration. I refuse to succumb to another writer's block.

*Amanda

So... I just got a pretty sweet "collection" of Third Eye Blind songs.

First band I bought the CD of that I'm not ashamed to still own. (I will spare you the details of what grisly things I listened to at age 11).

My sister bought a couple CDs I'm going to have to "steal".

So, I ordered books online which still aren't here. The 'rents will have to ship em when they are, I suppose.

Anyhow... to K-Ville on Sunday!